Holding My Own Hand

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Posted by Martha Wilson, May 1, 2024

No childhood memory has impacted me like this one. Some sixty years later, it continues to speak the truth. Mama and I stood at the street corner in our small cotton mill town. As the light changed, she reached to grab my chubby little hand to cross over the street. I promptly clasped one hand inside the other and announced, “I hold my own hand.” I even recall swinging it repeatedly like it always felt in her hand. I feel sure she grabbed my arm or at least the sleeve of my dress to ensure my safety.

Being the youngest of three children, I always attempted to be more grown-up. My stubborn, independent self stood a little taller, and I walked a little faster that day, feeling so proud of myself. I just wanted to be in control.

If I’m sincere, I will tell you I never outgrew this childish desire. My little Adam self wanted to be in control. As precious as I must have been, I was born with the Adam nature that wanted to be my own boss, have my own way, and go the most appealing direction. I have lived much of my life holding my own hand.

Why do we often feel more confident when we think we are in control? Pride puffs up and pushes us to maintain as much control as possible. We hate to cry out for help and despise feeling small, weak, or inept.

I remember seeing this same independence rise in my three-year-old grandson. He wanted to follow his sister's example and scoot his kitchen chair to the counter to help Nana cook. His small but determined frame mustered all of its strength as he screeched the chair across the room. He wore a proud, broad smile until he got stuck against the wall. He could not get the chair to budge another inch, no matter how hard he pushed. I repeatedly offered to help, but he protested, “I got it, Nana. I got it!” I stepped away, attempting to cover my smile and hush my giggle. He pushed and tugged until he finally realized the cooking was almost over. He complained and spewed frustration, but all my offers of help were denied.

In total exhaustion, he finally surrendered and cried, “Help me, Nana!” Those were the words he had fought against with all of his being. He gave up, surrendered, and relinquished control. And loving help rushed toward him.

Is this not the same way we act toward God?

We are determined we are strong enough and tough enough to do it ourselves. “I’ve got this God. I’ll let you know if I need anything.”

Too many times in my life, I have found myself stuck against the wall. I push and shove and boast independence a little louder. I gripe and complain as if I were one of the original Israelites. I run ahead of God and go places He never intended me to. I take control of things that I am incapable of handling. I will figure it out all by myself. But it never works out well for me. How about you?

He is God, and I am not. His way is so much better than mine.

And He waits. God waits. He waits for us to tire of being stuck. He waits for our surrender. It takes humility to admit our great need for help. “I give up, help me God.” He lovingly and graciously rushes in to help. Surrender doesn’t make us weak; it makes us strong in the Lord.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT

He allows us to hold our own hand and go our own way, but He is always near. God’s sovereign hand is holding the entire universe together, and certainly, He keeps me. Even in my rebellion or stubbornness, I know He has my arm, guarding and protecting me.

If you are in the same struggle today, let His word speak to your heart. Find help and strength in Him.

Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; surely I will help you; surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. For I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you.’  Isaiah 41:10,13 NAS

Prayer for today:“Lord, here is my hand. Please take it and lead me, guide me, help me.

I need your help. You are in control; not me. I trust you to hold me, and guide me in the right way. I want to be held by your righteous right hand.”

Martha Wilson is a writer, speaker, blogger and co-host of A Burst of Hope weekly podcast. She is the founder and director of Touching Hearts Ministries for women. She has led women to pursue an intimate relationship with Jesus for most of her adult life. She is bold, tender, and transparent as she teaches women to embrace powerful Biblical truths. Martha and her husband, Ed, live in Fayetteville, Georgia, and enjoy their blended family of five children, eight grandchildren, and one great-granddaughter. You can connect with Martha at: Facebook and Instagram @TouchingHeartsMinistries or listen to the A Burst of Hope Podcast.